Exploring the Deception of “It’s Just a Joke”|Gaslight Humor
Before we dive into the topic, it is crucial to clearly understand the concept of gaslighting. How can we distinguish between a simple disagreement and a more profound underlying issue? For disagreements, emotions are typically acknowledged; however, with gaslighting, there is a strong likelihood that they are undermined. There is a good chance that you have experienced it without even noticing it.
According to Psychology Today, “Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control […] victims…are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves.”
If you are reading this, you probably know the sinking feeling that comes with hearing “It’s just a joke” after someone makes an insult or offensive comment. In an instant, the focus shifts to you as you become the source of the problem, intensifying the drama. Our main area of interest will be the excuses made, along with the tags used afterwards to qualify their “jokes.”
So why do people continue to engage in this behavior, even after we have clearly communicated that it is neither amusing nor valued? A variety of factors, such as insensitivity, guilt, projection, and others, contribute to people continuing to engage in this behavior. In the upcoming sections of this post, we will zoom in on the specific details.
Table of Contents:
- How Gaslighting Humor Shows Personality
- Excuse Tags
- What Makes a Joke Toxic?
- How to Respond
- Do Not Engage
- Why Do I Feel This Way?
- Conclusion
How Gaslight Humor Shows Personality
When you come across someone who engages in lighthearted banter and persists even when asked to cease, it offers a glimpse into their true nature. They relentlessly interrogate your sanity, leaving you questioning your own grasp on reality. Just the thought of them can trigger waves of depression and anxiety.
Someone who truly cares about you will always encourage and empower you, never making you feel negatively about yourself. If you ever doubt your own capabilities to complete challenging tasks, find a quiet place to sit and reflect on the presence of the person you are with or the enduring friendship you share.
- Are they the person you thought they were?
- Do they have your best interest at heart?
- Do they want to see you succeed?
- Are they happy about your wins?
- Do they empathize with you?
Excuse Tags
Typically, after uttering the phrase, “It’s just a joke,” people elaborate on their intended meaning or offer additional information.
- You take things too personally.
- You’re being dramatic.
- You’re really sensitive.
- Don’t be so serious!
- You know that’s not what I meant.
- You took it the wrong way.
- You need to calm down.
- I thought you would be cool about this.
- I can’t say anything to you.
- You make jokes too.
- I guess I’m the only one who can’t joke.
- You’re being overly emotional.
By using these tags, the intention is to assign blame to you, removing any sense of personal accountability. We commonly observe that individuals who resort to these types of jokes usually exhibit a disregard for the emotions of others, showing a lack of consideration. Where a person responds negatively and shifts the focus away from the positive attention, it is common for the joker to experience anger and frustration.
What Makes a Joke Toxic?
Through contemptuous tones, sarcasm, and cruelty, individuals intentionally diminish others, causing harm and undermining their confidence. The signs that a joke is toxic are typically quite unmistakable.
Apart from the ones mentioned, there are several other factors that can contribute to a joke being toxic or gaslighting, and I will share a few examples with you. If you find someone making jokes condescendingly like this, it is highly likely that their intentions are not rooted in genuine humor.
The sole objective of genuine humor is to bring about laughter, while avoiding any negative emotions such as tears, harm, frustration, or distress. Their intention is to see the sparkle of joy in your eyes, not the cloudiness of fear or anger. The goal is to make you laugh and brighten your day with a touch of happiness, not a trace of sadness.
How to Respond
- You have the option to interrupt them and inquire about the specific comedic elements that make the joke funny. Request an explanation from them since you’re puzzled and eager to understand the joke.
- Identify their consistent pattern of behavior. They can make you laugh without resorting to sarcasm or meanness. They can tell typical dad jokes or puns. Sometimes those work, too.
- Explain why you don’t like or appreciate the joke.
- It isn’t appropriate.
- You don’t deserve to be talked to like that.
- You don’t have to take that kind of language.
- Set a firm boundary in that particular situation and make it clear what will happen if it is ever crossed, even if it means ending the relationship.
- You can ask them to stop without feeling the need to provide an explanation, as it may not be warranted. It is not only justified but also well-deserved. If you express your desire to stop, that is the only thing we should focus on and respect.
- If you find yourself when someone genuinely doesn’t know what they did wrong, and you believe that providing an explanation is necessary, then I encourage you to do so. However, ultimately, the decision on whether or not to explain is entirely up to you.
Do Not Engage
Not responding at all is another option for how to respond. Yep. That’s right, your ears did not deceive you. Choose not to answer or acknowledge the statement. It may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes, people crave a response from you to validate their actions. By responding, you are granting them precisely what they desire.
In situations where one faces a difficult circumstance, choosing to remain silent and refraining from responding can be one of the most challenging ways to handle the situation. It is a constant battle for me to resist the urge to respond to the overwhelming stupidity and infuriating comments that people direct towards me.
Why Do I Feel This Way?
Is it possible for you to determine exactly what it is about this joke that is causing you to react so painfully? Is it possible that the negative experiences are stemming from trauma, prejudice, racism, homophobia, or could they be originating from another form of discrimination? If you have a personal or friendly relationship with the person involved, it is crucial to address something like this directly with them to ensure effective communication. When choosing friends, it is important to seek out individuals who offer support and understanding, rather than those who undermine and mock you.
The never-ending repetition of gaslighting can have a numbing effect on the mind and lead to feelings of depression. It is possible for you to come across as both useless and overwhelming. Despite the circumstances, there is a means of escape, and it solely rests in your hands. You may hear people talking about you endlessly, but unless you take the initiative, nothing will change for you.
To distance yourself from the negative impact of broken friendships and relationships, it is necessary for you to take proactive actions. As someone who has experienced the repercussions and the negative aftermath of being on the receiving end of the “it was only a joke” excuse, I can attest to the fact that it can leave you feeling even worse than before.
Conclusion
So, now you should know that it is not just a joke. It is crucial to understand that your opinion truly matters and is taken into consideration. It is important to acknowledge that your emotions hold significance. In order for them to cease their actions, it is necessary for them to put an end to their behavior. No, is a one-word sentence. It is not necessary to provide an explanation for this. Same with the word stop.
If you experience gaslighting and the continuous presence of these harmful jokes, it is important to seek support from various sources, such as friends, family, therapists, psychologists, or medical professionals.
Feel encouraged to share your thoughts by leaving a comment, thus starting a meaningful discussion. If you have any suggestions for other topics, leave them in the comments or visit the home page to subscribe to my newsletter. By doing so, you can guarantee that you will receive more content similar to this in the future.
